Confusion
by Left-In-The-Dark
Summary: When Jan Valentine meets a female Schrodinger look-alike called Laura, he has no idea what to do with her until the major tells him to take care of her until they figure out what to do. In other words, Baby-sitting.


Cold, Dark and Gloomy. Rather Depressing, I might add. That's just what nights in London were like. The fog covered the city in a blanket of cold, it was almost impossible to make out anything that was more than 8 or 9 meters away. Rapists, Murderers and Thieves stalked the streets. Drunks and drug addicts causing commotions around almost every corner. Nothing ever changed in the city of fog.

"I had to go out in the middle of the night just to get some milk. Nyaaa!!! I'm such an idiot!" Laura slapped her head in dismay. Laura was you're not-so-average teen-aged girl. With her dark blue hair that fell to her shoulders and piercing red eyes, she was always laughed at and insulted at school. But her most interesting feature was the two cat ears protruding from her head. She had always had them for as long as she could remember. When she was born her mother and father were disgusted by the creature they had created and left on the streets when she was only five years old. Laura eventually found a job as a paper-boy (or paper-girl/cat). It didn't pay much but she got by. Usually whenever she would go out she would always wear a beanie to cover her ears but tonight she had been in such a hurry she had forgotten it."At least this damn fog should stop anyone from seeing my ears"

Laura walked along the streets of London. She passed sleeping hobos and drunks along the way. The more she walked the more run-down and abandoned the streets seemed to be. After walking for about half-an-hour the streets seemed to be completely devoid of life. It was actually kind of creepy. "Wow. Man, did I sure pick a lame night to go out and get some milk"Laura muttered to herself," this place is rather spooky. I better hurry and-". Her sentence was cut off by a large crash in the nearby alley." Uhh, H-Hello?" There was another crash and a shadow appeared in the alley and started walking slowly towards her. "Th-this can't be good" Laura ran as fast as she could down the street when more shadows appeared in front of her. She stopped. She was surrounded. The shadows moved closer and they started to take on a solid shape. They looked just like normal people except their eyes glowed red; their clothes were tattered and blood-stained and their flesh was rotting." Z-z-Zombies?!"Laura Exclaimed," You have got to be kidding me!"

They moved in closer and closer. The stench of rotting flesh reaching Laura's nose.

"Oh! That's disgusting!"Laura covered her nose with her hands. The zombies moved in. _I'm going to die, _Laura thought, _my god! I'm actually going to die!_

"Schrodinger, You fucking Idiot, Move it!!!" A voice broke through her chain of thought. She suddenly noticed a man standing in front of her. Laura couldn't see his face because he had his back to her. "What the fuck is you're problem cat-boy? Do you always need to have someone come and save your sorry ass?!" The man was carrying FN P90 submachine gun in each hand. He pulled them up, aimed one ahead and one aimed behind him. Laura tried to back away but slipped and fell." Jeez, when did you become such a mother-fuckin' pussy, Schrodinger?". The man held down the triggers and began firing at the undead creatures. Blood covered the pavement and bits of zombie were sent everywhere. But over the sound of dying zombies and gun-fire, Laura heard something else. Laughter. Laura looked up and finally saw the mans face. He was the one laughing. He wore a black, beanie with the symbol of an eye on it. His face and ears were covered in piercings and his eyes were a yellowish-amber color. His dark, brown hair was damp from the moisture in the air and Laura could see through his insane smile that he had fangs.

The last zombie fell to the ground and faded into dust leaving nothing but blood-stained cement and the distinct smell of death in the air." Fuck, Schrodinger. You're a cute little kid and all but you sure know how to-". He turned around and stopped. For a while he just stared at Laura as if he had no idea what to say but then-"WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!" The man pointed at Laura"D-Dude, Schrodinger, when the fuck did you become a chick?!"

Laura got up. "Look thanks for saving me and all but I'm not this sodinger guy you keep talking about", she said", the names Laura". The man took a few steps back. "S-so you aren't . . . Schrodinger? Then who the fuck are you?!"

"I just told you my name, you idiot!" She yelled back." If you have a problem then-"she stopped when she noticed the man was tugging his ears. Laura brushed his hands away. "What are you doing?" she asked. "Fuck! These things aren't fake!" He exclaimed. "OF COURSE THEIR NOT FAKE YOU IDIOT!!!

"Jeez, this bitch has a temper" The sound of sirens reached their ears." Shit, it's the cops". The man grabbed Laura's hand and ran dragging her behind him." WH-What the hell are you dragging me along for?!

"Don't ask stupid fucking questions!" He called back", I'm gonna take you back and see what the fuck is going on with all these fucking cat people!!!" He ran faster than any human could and soon the sounds of sirens had completely faded away. The man kept running for what seemed like an hour but eventually he stopped and accidentally sent Laura crashing into a trash can."OW! Hey, watch it!"

"Shut the fuck up, whiney bitch," They were outside what looked to be an incredibly expensive hotel."Uhh, what are we doing here?" Laura asked, confused. "Stop asking questions, it's really starting to piss me off," he grabbed her by her shirt collar and dragged her inside. The whole time he was dragging her inside, Laura screamed rapist, pedophile and quite a few other unmentionables. Going up in the elevator was rather awkward. What with Laura silently pouting and the elevator music going. I don't mind telling you I would not like to be in that elevator. The elevator doors opened and the man continued to drag Laura behind him. He walked down the corridor and stopped at door 23. He kicked the door open and walked in. He threw Laura on the bed and closed the door.

"Can I at least know your name?" Laura asked the strange man that had just saved and kidnapped her." My name is Jan Valentine commander of the Un-dead Hellsing Slayers, now if you'll shut the fuck up I'm gonna go make a phone call" Jan walked into the next room and after a while Laura heard a whole lot of fuck, shit, bitch followed by mother-fuckin, son of a bitches whore and then the noise of the phone being hung up. Jan came out, leaned against the wall and folded his arms." The fucking Major says I'm too keep you until they find out what the fuck to do with you," he said, pissed off. Laura just sat on the bed, silently staring at him, and then the news finally sunk in." Stay here? With you . . . . ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?! There is no way I am staying here with some homicidally insane guy who just kidnapped me!" She jumped up and tried to open the door but it was locked." Hey! This doesn't exactly sit well with me either! It's a fuckin' waste of my time to be baby-sitting Schrödinger's fucking big sister!"

"For the last time I am not related to this bloody shodinger!" and with that she tackled him too the ground." RRRR!! Get the fuck off me!!! Fuckin' slut!" Laura grabbed his arm and pulled it back." OW!!!!! FUCK YOU!!!" Laura pulled his arm even harder." SAY UNCLE!!!" and she pulled yet again. "N-Never", Jan muttered feebly. Laura pulled his arm even harder."OKAY! OKAY! FUCKING UNCLE!!! Now get the fuck off me, bitch!" Suddenly there was the sound of a click, the door opened and a maid came in carrying some towels. She stopped and stared. I mean who wouldn't, a grown man with more piercings than should be legal being pinned to the ground by a teen-aged girl with blue-hair and cat ears. After a minute the maid put the towels down on the bed and hurried away and shut the door.

"Wow", Jan said," That was really fucking awkward now get the hell off me, bitch!" But before Laura could get off him the door opened again and a tall man with long, blonde hair and glasses came in and stared at the two of them. And once again there was an awkward silence. After a while the man said "I don't know you", and he walked back out the door. Jan pushed Laura off him and called back through the doorway" I swear I was not sleeping with Schrodinger!!! "I AM NOT SHODINGER, YOU FREAKING MORON", and once again Laura tackled Jan.

Now I don't know if this could be called a happy ending or one that needs to have 'To Be Continued' on the end but lets just end it like this

_**THE END**_

_**TO BE CONTINUED . . .**_

_ERRRR MAYBE_

_P.S. - Regarding Laura's milk ummm . . . she dropped it along the way. Th-That poor milk._

_Yours Sincerely,  
Left-In-The-Dark_


End file.
